What are the Five Love Languages
The Five Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman. It provides a framework for different ways that people give and receive love. This framework can be helpful in understanding your child and understanding how they give and receive love.
The five love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Acts of service (or doing things for others)
- Physical touch
How to speak your child’s love language
To speak your child’s love language, you need to find out what it is. The best way to do this is by asking them questions and listening carefully for clues. Some common ways of finding out include:
- Asking them what they do when they feel loved
- Observing how they react when someone else does something nice for them, like giving them a gift or complimenting them
- Pay attention when you do something nice for your child–what does she say or do?
There are also an online tool you can use to help you discover yours and you child’s love languages.
Love Language 1 — Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are words that affirm the other person’s feelings. They are spoken and written, but they’re not just any old compliment. Words of affirmation communicate that you understand what someone is feeling and why they may be feeling it, which makes the person feel validated and understood.
Words of affirmation can be as simple as “I’m proud of how hard you’ve worked on this project,” or “I know it must have been hard for you when we had to cancel our trip because Grandma was sick.” They also include praise for specific behaviors: “I love how helpful you’ve been around here lately,” or “It makes me proud when I see how fair you’re being when dealing with siblings.”
Love Language 2 — Quality Time
Quality time is all about spending time together, without distractions. It’s not necessarily a special occasion or activity; it’s simply being together in the moment and enjoying each other’s company.
In order for quality time to work for you and your child, you need to make sure that both of your needs are met: yours as an adult, and theirs as a child. You may want loads of alone time with no interruptions from technology or other people — but if this isn’t what they want out of their relationship with you (or if they aren’t able), then this could create conflict between the two of you instead of building closeness through shared experiences!
Here are some ideas for how parents can incorporate quality time into their lives:
- Plan fun activities together at least once per week (or every other week). These don’t have to be big events–it could just be going out for ice cream after dinner one night during the weekend.
- Spend time playing with your child individually or engaging in an activity that they enjoy, without distractions such as technology or other children around.
Love Language 3 — Receiving Gifts
While most people enjoy receiving gifts, child who’s love language is receiving gifts often put special emphasis on the meaning or effort behind the gift, not just the experience of getting something.
A child who’s love language is receiving gifts might not only appreciate when you give them a physical gift, but they may also appreciate when you give them your time. Often these children will find it important that their parent’s remember special occassions.
Love Language 4 — Acts of Service
The fourth love language is acts of service. Acts of service are the ways you show your love by doing something for your child. Perhaps it’s helping her with her homework, or cleaning up after her after she has been playing outside. The important thing is that you do something that shows your care and concern for your child.
Love Language 5 — Physical Touch
Physical touch is a powerful tool to connect with your child. It’s important to remember that physical touch does not necessarily have to be a hug or kiss; it can be anything from holding hands, massaging their shoulders, ruffling their hair or placing a hand on the small of their back when walking together.
Physical touch can be used in many different ways:
- Sitting close to your child
- Putting your arm around them
By learning what your child’s love language is, you can give them the best gift.
The Five Love Languages are a simple way to help you connect with your child in a meaningful way. By learning what your child’s love language is, you can give them the best gift of all: the feeling that they are valued, understood and loved.